This is Life

I am just so excited to see what my future holds...

Last weekend was a blessing from Heaven. Out of nowhere, Megan's mom called and offered to pay for her to go home Saturday night until Sunday night.  Megan asked if I wanted to come and I said, "Can I bring some of my stuff to move home?"  We started packing! After loading her car full of my stuff to move home, I realized that there was NO way I could have gotten all of it home without this trip!!  That night, I made it to Riverton just in time to see my little brother win SECOND PLACE in his golfing tournament!!!  I was SO proud of him!!!

He was so excited... It was so cute! I felt so lucky to have been able to be there for it.  We celebrated by going to Sizzler (Izaak's favorite place) for dinner.

I just got to hang with my family for a little while over the weekend and then headed home.

When I got back to St. George, life hit me again.  AND... it was 102 degrees!! haha

Yesterday, me and Megan and Darcee spent pretty much the whole morning together after Darcee and I got done with our final.  We went to the shake shop and then headed to the mall just because we could.  We are all really excited for the changes ahead of us, we are just really sad to say goodbye to each other.

 This motorcycle picture was funny because just a few minutes before, this guy (Rodney) that I have been crushing on pretty much the whole school year called me and asked me to go on a date with him that afternoon and we were going to ride his motorcycle. :)  I was STOKED!! So he and a couple of his friends picked me up with their dates around 3:00PM.  We stopped at Harmon's to get stuff to make sandwiches and then headed to Austin's house to make them.  We packed all of the food into Rodney's saddlebags and headed out.  I was honestly really nervous at first to get on the motorcycle with Rod because it is SO big and we are both REALLY small haha but he made me feel perfectly safe.  We rode for quite a ways up to Snow Canyon.  I had never been here before, but it was sure beautiful (I left my phone home so I didn't take any pictures... sorry)!  When we got into the park, we found a table and set out our picnic.  The three guys got on the topic of their missions near the beginning and really went off about them.  I thoroughly enjoyed sitting there  listening to their hilarious stories and it got me thinking... if they have been home from their missions for over two years and all they can talk about on this date is exactly that... WOW! :)  I was very impressed with them and how much they went through to serve the Lord.  They were all great guys and we had so much fun.  After the picnic, we took the long way home.  I absolutely LOVED it!!  I couldn't help but smile the entire ride! I loved feeling the warm breeze and holding on tight ;) haha. SO girly... I know.  It was just so much fun!  I decided that if my husband wanted to have a motorcycle, I would probably be okay with it.  Rodney was so cute because he was SO worried about our safety.  He made sure to be extremely careful when we would go over bumps and things.  He would apologize for stopping a little bit quickly or turning too quickly or something.  He was just so cute. It was probably one of the funnest dates I have EVER been on! There is really nothing (that I know of) between me and Rodney, but I really respect him and the kind of man that he is.  I feel very lucky to have had the chance to go on several dates with him throughout this past year.  I  hope I can find more guys like him in my future.  He deserves one amazing woman!

These girls are so amazing! I am going to miss them SO much!!

I have been really sad talking about my future lately because I feel like everyone who hears my plans is disappointed in me.  It seems like they all think that I have fallen off the deep end and that my spirituality is at stake with my choices.  It seems like they don't approve of my choices and wish I would change my mind because this isn't normal for good Mormon girls.  Trust me... I have thought A LOT about this.  I have prayed CONSTANTLY and fasted SEVERAL times.  I have argued with the Lord and told Him that I am not strong enough to do something crazy like this.  I have felt defeated and  beaten.  I have felt helpless and hopeless.  But... I am telling you now that THIS IS WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO.  I am not doing this simply because  I think it will be an adventure...  I am doing this because I truly feel like it is what my Heavenly Father has planned for me.  I share that because I hope maybe someone is reading this who is experiencing something similar and needs to feel like they aren't alone in this.  I am not a very private person because I have learned SO much from the experiences of the people around me and I hope that maybe I can help someone too.

Though I am nervous for the journey ahead of me,  I am excited too.  I am excited to learn and to grow.  I am excited to improve myself and learn to truly take care of myself and the people around me.  I am excited to rely completely on my Lord and Savior.  I am excited to meet new people.  I am excited to become the kind of person that I want to marry someday. I realized last night that I worry way too much and that I just need to trust in the Lord.  Everything will happen the way it needs to and it will all happen in His time.

I hope those who love me will trust in the Lord as well and help support me.  This is not an easy choice. I am so grateful for my family because even though they were confused at first, they are SO loving and supportive.  Their strength lifts me up and gives me courage.  I love my family so much.  I am so blessed to have them.  The other day, I talked to every single one of my siblings in one day!! That was absolutely amazing to me because they all gave me advice and let me know how much they love me.  I don't know how I would make it in this life without the amazing family that I have!  I am truly a very lucky girl.

What's New?

New York... That's what's new.  I am diligently searching for a nannying job.  I have subscribed to several agencies and spent countless hours searching for a job. I am trying to resist getting frustrated.  I really felt so strongly that this was what I was supposed to do... So why isn't it working out?  I called Rachael yesterday to kind of vent for a minute.  She told me that I just need to have faith that everything will turn out alright.  I guess I am just getting nervous because finals start next week and, at this rate, I will be jobless when they are done. A few people have tried contacting me, but they either aren't offering nearly enough money, or they take a long time getting back to me.  I am really learning a lesson of patience with this I guess. The Lord sure works in mysterious ways. I truly am excited to see what He has in store for me.

Sometimes the plan you have for yourself isn't what God has planned for you

I think it's possible that I am going crazy.

I always have my life planned out.  I always know what I want and how I want to accomplish it.  I am going into Elementary Education.  I will be done in three years, and I will find my Prince Charming before I graduate.  One year after I graduate, I will have my first child.  It will be a boy and his name will be Tyson.

Great plan right?  Kind of boring... right?  Yes.  Well, sometimes the plan you have for yourself isn't what God has planned for you.

Last week, I went to my English 2010 class an hour early because we were meeting in the computer center and I figured that I would just work on my 10 page paper until class started.  My professor was already there because he has another 2010 class right before mine. He walked by and said, "I know you're not in this class, but do you want to just go over your stuff right now?"  I agreed and we began by going through my essay.

He read my thesis paragraph, my hook, and a few of the topic sentences that I had started with.  He told me that my essay was looking fantastic so far and to keep up the hard work. He let me ask a million questions and then we started going over my grades. 

He said that I have 100% on all of my preparation points because I am always prepared and I am always in class. Then he started on my essays. "You got 100% on your first essay and you only missed four points on your second essay, so you are in GREAT shape," he said to me.  He then asked me about what I had planned for my future.  I told him I was going into Elementary Education. 

His response kind of surprised me... "Well good," he said, "Your talent won't be totally squashed there I guess."  What?? He then asked if I considered myself a smart person.  I told him that I did and he said, "Then do NOT stop at a Bachelor's.  You have more than enough skill to get a Master's.  In fact, it will be EASIER for you to get a Master's than it will be to get a Bachelor's! You have an amazing writing style that is unique.  You are very talented Sara.  I don't want to see this talent go to waste."

WOW. I was on cloud nine! He let me leave after he was done talking to me and class hadn't even started yet so I had another hour before Institute would start.  I had to call my mom ASAP. I told her all about what he had said.  I felt SO good. 

A little side-note here...  at times like this, I miss my Grandma Garner A LOT. She would have been the first person I would have called.  As an old woman, she always had more than enough time to talk to me and I was her only focus during that time.  She would always get SO excited for me.  I absolutely love my family and appreciate my conversations with them, but my Grandma was just... different.

 When my mom had to hang up, my mind was still RACING. I discovered in that moment that I really do LOVE writing.  I felt exhilarated! Ever since I have been at Dixie, I have been searching for my "niche". I thought it was singing, but I didn't want to do anything with that as a career.  I LOVE children, but I am bored out of my mind in all of my Education classes.  THIS is what I wanted to do! I had to text my mom. 

Me: Is it driving you nuts that it is going to take me so long to get my education? My teacher just made em consider switching my major to journalism. New York is a good place to go if that's what I want to do right? I will do online classes. Remember when you told me my talents would be wasted if I stuck myself teaching a kindergarten class? Well that really bothered me, but I kind of believed you. I wondered what I really love to do and my professor just really helped me realize what it is that I love doing (besides taking care of kids)... WRITING!! I will pay for it all I promise!

Mom: That sounds exact spot on!!!! I agree!!!!!!!!!!! 100% just go for it!!!

Me: I'm crying ;) I kinda feel like I just found myself in a way...

Mom: Yes I know you have!!!!! I love that you are accepting this! Write it down so yo never forget this feeling!!!!!!

I'm lucky to have a mom who is so supportive!  I can see how blessed I am to have her in moments like this.  There are lots of moms out there who would be angry with their daughter for wasting time and money in college, only to switch majors after a whole year and decide to move to New York.  My mom is cheering me on though.  She is such an amazing woman.  Her enthusiasm and encouragement is exactly why I am willing to take risks in my life.  I love her so much!

So now my plans are up in the air.  I am praying my guts out to find a family in New York to nanny for.  I am on five different websites for nannies.  Nothing has come up yet, but I know that this is what I am supposed to do.  About two weeks ago, I fasted, and I have not stopped praying.  I feel really nervous because there is so much that is unknown at this point, but I also feel very confident that this is what I am supposed to be doing in my life right now. I keep reading my Patriarchal Blessing too.  This is all that is on my mind lately!

will happen when I move to New York.  She tells me she doesn't want to talk about it because we still have two weeks together.  It makes me cry to think I am going to be so far away from her.  I won't be able to just pop by and say hello.  We won't stay up at night saying we need to go to bed, but laughing and continuing to talk anyway.  We won't be able to freak out together watching Vampire Diaries.  We won't be able to take midnight runs to Wal-Mart, the temple, or the fountain.  We won't be able to tell each other to shut up when we're being annoying.  We won't be able to sing at the top of our lungs to strangers on the sidewalk as we drive by. We keep saying that she has to get an iPhone so we can Skype each other every single day. She promised me that she will keep a video journal of her day so I don't get behind on what she is doing. My soul sister is part of who I am, and I am so sad to be leaving her. 

 

 

  And what am I doing? Packing. Packing for New York nonetheless.  What am I thinking??

Life really is good :) The Lord is SO in charge!

A few weeks ago I cooked Honey Lime Chicken Burritos for Jared and Kelton so Kelton made the deal that he was going to make stuffed french toast for me.  This week he finally held up on his part of the deal :)  The funny thing was... it turned into a big party with like twenty people crammed into my tiny apartment! haha  It was tons of fun though and everybody loved his creation :)

More wardies just chillin on the couch after they stuffed their faces with stuffed french toast :)

 This is Kelton :)  He's my bud.  He is a super sweet guy and everyone in the ward just loves him!  He's been hanging out with me lots and helping me with my breakup while I help him try to get the girl he is liking.  haha I love it! He is one of my best friends right now so it is way fun to hang out with him :)

Kelton offered to make them and they were YUMMY!! We had so many people and so many people eating thirds and fourths that Megan had to run to the store and buy more stuff! haha Good job Kelton!

In order: Oliver, Taylor, Megan, Eric.  They are guys in our ward/apartment complex and they are pretty tight.  All three have VERY different personalities haha 

 This is Colton.  He and I kind of liked each other for about a week and then I was really weirded out by him so I pretty much just stopped talking to him.  He is a strange STRANGE character.  So I keep warning Megan to not get caught up in his games. I hope she can learn from my mistakes.  I guess we'll just see though.

Above are the "pre-mi twins".  We call them that becuase they do EVERYTHING together, kind of act like twins, and are both preparing to go on missions.  They are best friends with Megan and are actually a lot of fun to hang out with.

Last weekend, my mom and sister came down.  We were supposed to go to a Mother's conference thing on campus... but I talked my mom out of it haha instead, we invited Jared (he was my boyfriend at the time) and we went to Zion's National Park.  It was a BEAUTIFUL day!

 

There was tons of snow on the trail that was pretty much straight ice. We only made it a little distance and then decided it was dumb so we turned around and went back to eat lunch in the sun :) It was a pretty funny experience.  At one point on the way back down, Jared just sat down and slid on his bottom.

 Jared and I had KIND OF been talking about the possibility of marriage (obviously not soon... but eventually).  I really wanted my mom to meet him.  I had an anxious feeling and told him we really needed to keep the Lord close in our decision.

 My mom and sister loved Jared.  They said they couldn't find ANYTHING to complain about! haha

 I LOVE MY MOM AND SISTER!!!

 Above was the light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty cool :)

It was SO good to have my mom and sister here while I was going through this.  The next Sunday was Stake Conference and I was OVERWHELMED with the Spirit.  While I was listening, I was writing.

"There was a night at ward prayer that I was almost sick to my stomach because I felt so strongly that it was not right between me and Jared. I decided to just let it go and not act on it. I didn't want to make any rash decisions.  So I just kept going and letting things play out.  The anxious feeling didn't ever really go away. I told Shauna about this feeling and she said that only time would tell what this anxious feeling meant.  She said that maybe it just wasn't right AT THIS MOMENT.  Her, my mom, and Rachael all told me to just not worry.  They said he was a great guy and the most important thing was that he truly loves the Lord.  They told me to quit worrying and to let time tell... they said I needed to spend more time with him before I could really say what I was feeling.  But... I said I would keep the Lord close throughout this and I cannot continue to deny what I am feeling.  I have NO idea what to say or do.  I am praying my guts out to know and to get the right timing.  I cannot rely on their relationship experience... this is a little bit different. Rach might understand because she has been through this with Jason Bray.  I have learned in Stake Conference that I can truly rely on the Lord, even in situations like this.  I need support.  I cannot do this alone.  I think Jared can tell something is wrong... I just don't know what to do.  He truly is an amazing guy... but I guess he is not quite the guy for me.  The search continues.  It is not my turn yet.  I have been taught over and over to "fear not", so that is what I have to go off of in this situation.  My Patriarchal Blessing also talks about not fearing the future.  I am not supposed to be afraid and I feel like that is also an answer to this situation because it just isn't right.  So I know that it isn't right.  That has become obvious the past few days.  So now I truly have to rely on the Lord to know what to do about that knowledge.  When I tried on wedding rings, I got the feeling that it was right... but marriage is what is right... NOT marrying Jared."

That night, I broke up with Jared.  It was really sad to me because pretty much all he said was, "Dang. I really thought you were the one!"  I didn't really know how to respond to that and now it is pretty awkward between us.  He's a good guy though... he'll make someone very happy someday. 

I am SO grateful for the Lord's hand in my life.  I trust Him COMPLETELY, even when I have to do hard things.  In the end, I know He will only make me happy if I follow him.  This was really hard to break up with Jared, but I already/still know it was absolutely the right thing to do.  I am so grateful for the courage my Heavenly Father blessed me with.  I am working hard to ALWAYS be able to feel the Spirit's influence in my life.  I truly believe that there is an absolutely phenomenal man waiting for me out there! I don't think I am ready to get married right now even though my mom feels differently haha I have a lot of life to still live! :)  I am just taking things one day at a time and relying on my Heavenly Father to guide and direct me.

Once Upon a Time.....

A while back, I wrote this in my journal:

"Do you ever feel like you are living in a dream? My life has kind of felt like a dream lately.  I feel like I should still be at home with my mom cooking food for me and everyone being here.

I have really been praying hard for a way to make money while going to school.  My job is really frustrating me because I am just not getting enough hours and I am almost out of money.  Last night, I went with Shauna to her girlfriend party and towards the end, the conversation turned to Asea and we spent the next two hours telling them all about it.  She ended up getting two girls really interested and practically GAVE it away to them.  When we pulled into the driveway at the end of the night, I mentioned something that is in my Patriarchal blessing.  Shauna gasped and said, "Sara!  That exact same thing, ALMOST WORD-FOR-WORD, is in mine too!!"  We talked a lot about it and I ultimately got the strong impression that Asea is exactly what I need to be doing right now.  When I said our family prayers, for the first time ever, I sobbed as I thanked Heavenly Father for Asea in our lives.  This is an amazing product that could seriously change the world for the better."

 

That feeling hasn't really gone away.  I have been STUCK and I felt like I just had nowhere to go and no way to get out of the hole that I've been in. 

A couple of weeks ago, as a YSA stake, we had the opportunity to have ELDER BEDNAR of the Quorum of the twelve apostles come talk to us IN PERSON!!! I thought I would be okay going two hours early on Super Bowl Sunday to get a good seat... but when I got there, it was already full and I had to sit in the overflow and save seats. Soon, Brother Wells (the second counselor in my YSA Ward bishopric) came over and talked to me about how he had already been there for two hours saving seats. A few minutes later, he came back and said, "Wait until I get back to my seat, count to three, and then come sit in the row behind me next to Jared.  He asked for you specifically by name." haha I'm not sure what he meant by that, but this meant that I was going to be sitting literally FEET away from Elder Bednar!  I sat down and spent the next two hours talking like crazy to Jared.  We had fun talking about pretty much anything and everything.  When Elder Bednar came in, the whole room went silent and stood on their feet.  Most were surprised at how short he ended up being haha but he seemed more real  than ever.  He opened it up for questions and that is how the next two hours went.  It was POWERFUL and absolutely inspiring!

That night I wrote the following on Facebook and my friends from the ward commented:

Listening to Elder Bednar tonight was absolutely AMAZING!!!! Thank you SO much Jared for letting me and Kirstie sit by you so close! I feel so blessed to have been able to be so close to an Apostle of God :) I LOVE the blessing he bestowed upon us. WHAT A NIGHT.

Michael McPherson That was an amazing fireside!
 Sara Garner Yes. Yes it was :)
Jared Davis For sure. It was truly an unforgettable experience.
Sara Garner I'm glad you were willing to miss your precious Super Bowl for it ;) my cousin was fantastic to keep you posted on the score haha
Jared Davis Me too! it was indescribable. I can't imagine missing out on something so incredible for a football game.
Sara Garner Most definitely a Good choice ;) I feel sorry for those who missed it. My favorite part was when he said something to the affect of, "By the authority that only I and 14 other people on the planet hold, I bestow a special blessing on those of you here tonight OF HAPPINESS." I mean, of ALL the things he could have blessed us with!! I just loved it :) :)
Jared Davis Oh that was amazing. I also liked it when he addressed the one girls question about getting a better relationship with the Savior and had us read in Matthew.

Sara Garner Ooooohhhhh yes! That was great too! :) and when he bore "Apostolic witness" of Christ. I had a seminary teacher in high school who happens to be my home ward bishop who said that Apostles have literally SEEN Christ, so when they bear Apostolic Witness... They are saying they really do KNOW he lives :) *sigh* the whole night was just amazing

Since that day, things have really been going well.  I have realized how blessed I really am and I have been humbled to the point that I know that the Lord is so in charge.  I am now living my life day to day and trusting that He will direct me in the ways that he has planned for me.  I am in it for the journey now!  Bring it on! :)