Sunday, March 11, 2012

Life really is good :) The Lord is SO in charge!

A few weeks ago I cooked Honey Lime Chicken Burritos for Jared and Kelton so Kelton made the deal that he was going to make stuffed french toast for me.  This week he finally held up on his part of the deal :)  The funny thing was... it turned into a big party with like twenty people crammed into my tiny apartment! haha  It was tons of fun though and everybody loved his creation :)


More wardies just chillin on the couch after they stuffed their faces with stuffed french toast :)



 This is Kelton :)  He's my bud.  He is a super sweet guy and everyone in the ward just loves him!  He's been hanging out with me lots and helping me with my breakup while I help him try to get the girl he is liking.  haha I love it! He is one of my best friends right now so it is way fun to hang out with him :)


Kelton offered to make them and they were YUMMY!! We had so many people and so many people eating thirds and fourths that Megan had to run to the store and buy more stuff! haha Good job Kelton!




In order: Oliver, Taylor, Megan, Eric.  They are guys in our ward/apartment complex and they are pretty tight.  All three have VERY different personalities haha 


 This is Colton.  He and I kind of liked each other for about a week and then I was really weirded out by him so I pretty much just stopped talking to him.  He is a strange STRANGE character.  So I keep warning Megan to not get caught up in his games. I hope she can learn from my mistakes.  I guess we'll just see though.

Above are the "pre-mi twins".  We call them that becuase they do EVERYTHING together, kind of act like twins, and are both preparing to go on missions.  They are best friends with Megan and are actually a lot of fun to hang out with.

Last weekend, my mom and sister came down.  We were supposed to go to a Mother's conference thing on campus... but I talked my mom out of it haha instead, we invited Jared (he was my boyfriend at the time) and we went to Zion's National Park.  It was a BEAUTIFUL day!
 

There was tons of snow on the trail that was pretty much straight ice. We only made it a little distance and then decided it was dumb so we turned around and went back to eat lunch in the sun :) It was a pretty funny experience.  At one point on the way back down, Jared just sat down and slid on his bottom.


 Jared and I had KIND OF been talking about the possibility of marriage (obviously not soon... but eventually).  I really wanted my mom to meet him.  I had an anxious feeling and told him we really needed to keep the Lord close in our decision.
 My mom and sister loved Jared.  They said they couldn't find ANYTHING to complain about! haha
 I LOVE MY MOM AND SISTER!!!
 Above was the light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty cool :)


It was SO good to have my mom and sister here while I was going through this.  The next Sunday was Stake Conference and I was OVERWHELMED with the Spirit.  While I was listening, I was writing.

"There was a night at ward prayer that I was almost sick to my stomach because I felt so strongly that it was not right between me and Jared. I decided to just let it go and not act on it. I didn't want to make any rash decisions.  So I just kept going and letting things play out.  The anxious feeling didn't ever really go away. I told Shauna about this feeling and she said that only time would tell what this anxious feeling meant.  She said that maybe it just wasn't right AT THIS MOMENT.  Her, my mom, and Rachael all told me to just not worry.  They said he was a great guy and the most important thing was that he truly loves the Lord.  They told me to quit worrying and to let time tell... they said I needed to spend more time with him before I could really say what I was feeling.  But... I said I would keep the Lord close throughout this and I cannot continue to deny what I am feeling.  I have NO idea what to say or do.  I am praying my guts out to know and to get the right timing.  I cannot rely on their relationship experience... this is a little bit different. Rach might understand because she has been through this with Jason Bray.  I have learned in Stake Conference that I can truly rely on the Lord, even in situations like this.  I need support.  I cannot do this alone.  I think Jared can tell something is wrong... I just don't know what to do.  He truly is an amazing guy... but I guess he is not quite the guy for me.  The search continues.  It is not my turn yet.  I have been taught over and over to "fear not", so that is what I have to go off of in this situation.  My Patriarchal Blessing also talks about not fearing the future.  I am not supposed to be afraid and I feel like that is also an answer to this situation because it just isn't right.  So I know that it isn't right.  That has become obvious the past few days.  So now I truly have to rely on the Lord to know what to do about that knowledge.  When I tried on wedding rings, I got the feeling that it was right... but marriage is what is right... NOT marrying Jared."

That night, I broke up with Jared.  It was really sad to me because pretty much all he said was, "Dang. I really thought you were the one!"  I didn't really know how to respond to that and now it is pretty awkward between us.  He's a good guy though... he'll make someone very happy someday. 

I am SO grateful for the Lord's hand in my life.  I trust Him COMPLETELY, even when I have to do hard things.  In the end, I know He will only make me happy if I follow him.  This was really hard to break up with Jared, but I already/still know it was absolutely the right thing to do.  I am so grateful for the courage my Heavenly Father blessed me with.  I am working hard to ALWAYS be able to feel the Spirit's influence in my life.  I truly believe that there is an absolutely phenomenal man waiting for me out there! I don't think I am ready to get married right now even though my mom feels differently haha I have a lot of life to still live! :)  I am just taking things one day at a time and relying on my Heavenly Father to guide and direct me.