This is Life

I am just so excited to see what my future holds...

Last weekend was a blessing from Heaven. Out of nowhere, Megan's mom called and offered to pay for her to go home Saturday night until Sunday night.  Megan asked if I wanted to come and I said, "Can I bring some of my stuff to move home?"  We started packing! After loading her car full of my stuff to move home, I realized that there was NO way I could have gotten all of it home without this trip!!  That night, I made it to Riverton just in time to see my little brother win SECOND PLACE in his golfing tournament!!!  I was SO proud of him!!!

He was so excited... It was so cute! I felt so lucky to have been able to be there for it.  We celebrated by going to Sizzler (Izaak's favorite place) for dinner.

I just got to hang with my family for a little while over the weekend and then headed home.

When I got back to St. George, life hit me again.  AND... it was 102 degrees!! haha

Yesterday, me and Megan and Darcee spent pretty much the whole morning together after Darcee and I got done with our final.  We went to the shake shop and then headed to the mall just because we could.  We are all really excited for the changes ahead of us, we are just really sad to say goodbye to each other.

 This motorcycle picture was funny because just a few minutes before, this guy (Rodney) that I have been crushing on pretty much the whole school year called me and asked me to go on a date with him that afternoon and we were going to ride his motorcycle. :)  I was STOKED!! So he and a couple of his friends picked me up with their dates around 3:00PM.  We stopped at Harmon's to get stuff to make sandwiches and then headed to Austin's house to make them.  We packed all of the food into Rodney's saddlebags and headed out.  I was honestly really nervous at first to get on the motorcycle with Rod because it is SO big and we are both REALLY small haha but he made me feel perfectly safe.  We rode for quite a ways up to Snow Canyon.  I had never been here before, but it was sure beautiful (I left my phone home so I didn't take any pictures... sorry)!  When we got into the park, we found a table and set out our picnic.  The three guys got on the topic of their missions near the beginning and really went off about them.  I thoroughly enjoyed sitting there  listening to their hilarious stories and it got me thinking... if they have been home from their missions for over two years and all they can talk about on this date is exactly that... WOW! :)  I was very impressed with them and how much they went through to serve the Lord.  They were all great guys and we had so much fun.  After the picnic, we took the long way home.  I absolutely LOVED it!!  I couldn't help but smile the entire ride! I loved feeling the warm breeze and holding on tight ;) haha. SO girly... I know.  It was just so much fun!  I decided that if my husband wanted to have a motorcycle, I would probably be okay with it.  Rodney was so cute because he was SO worried about our safety.  He made sure to be extremely careful when we would go over bumps and things.  He would apologize for stopping a little bit quickly or turning too quickly or something.  He was just so cute. It was probably one of the funnest dates I have EVER been on! There is really nothing (that I know of) between me and Rodney, but I really respect him and the kind of man that he is.  I feel very lucky to have had the chance to go on several dates with him throughout this past year.  I  hope I can find more guys like him in my future.  He deserves one amazing woman!

These girls are so amazing! I am going to miss them SO much!!

I have been really sad talking about my future lately because I feel like everyone who hears my plans is disappointed in me.  It seems like they all think that I have fallen off the deep end and that my spirituality is at stake with my choices.  It seems like they don't approve of my choices and wish I would change my mind because this isn't normal for good Mormon girls.  Trust me... I have thought A LOT about this.  I have prayed CONSTANTLY and fasted SEVERAL times.  I have argued with the Lord and told Him that I am not strong enough to do something crazy like this.  I have felt defeated and  beaten.  I have felt helpless and hopeless.  But... I am telling you now that THIS IS WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO.  I am not doing this simply because  I think it will be an adventure...  I am doing this because I truly feel like it is what my Heavenly Father has planned for me.  I share that because I hope maybe someone is reading this who is experiencing something similar and needs to feel like they aren't alone in this.  I am not a very private person because I have learned SO much from the experiences of the people around me and I hope that maybe I can help someone too.

Though I am nervous for the journey ahead of me,  I am excited too.  I am excited to learn and to grow.  I am excited to improve myself and learn to truly take care of myself and the people around me.  I am excited to rely completely on my Lord and Savior.  I am excited to meet new people.  I am excited to become the kind of person that I want to marry someday. I realized last night that I worry way too much and that I just need to trust in the Lord.  Everything will happen the way it needs to and it will all happen in His time.

I hope those who love me will trust in the Lord as well and help support me.  This is not an easy choice. I am so grateful for my family because even though they were confused at first, they are SO loving and supportive.  Their strength lifts me up and gives me courage.  I love my family so much.  I am so blessed to have them.  The other day, I talked to every single one of my siblings in one day!! That was absolutely amazing to me because they all gave me advice and let me know how much they love me.  I don't know how I would make it in this life without the amazing family that I have!  I am truly a very lucky girl.

What's New?

New York... That's what's new.  I am diligently searching for a nannying job.  I have subscribed to several agencies and spent countless hours searching for a job. I am trying to resist getting frustrated.  I really felt so strongly that this was what I was supposed to do... So why isn't it working out?  I called Rachael yesterday to kind of vent for a minute.  She told me that I just need to have faith that everything will turn out alright.  I guess I am just getting nervous because finals start next week and, at this rate, I will be jobless when they are done. A few people have tried contacting me, but they either aren't offering nearly enough money, or they take a long time getting back to me.  I am really learning a lesson of patience with this I guess. The Lord sure works in mysterious ways. I truly am excited to see what He has in store for me.

Sometimes the plan you have for yourself isn't what God has planned for you

I think it's possible that I am going crazy.

I always have my life planned out.  I always know what I want and how I want to accomplish it.  I am going into Elementary Education.  I will be done in three years, and I will find my Prince Charming before I graduate.  One year after I graduate, I will have my first child.  It will be a boy and his name will be Tyson.

Great plan right?  Kind of boring... right?  Yes.  Well, sometimes the plan you have for yourself isn't what God has planned for you.

Last week, I went to my English 2010 class an hour early because we were meeting in the computer center and I figured that I would just work on my 10 page paper until class started.  My professor was already there because he has another 2010 class right before mine. He walked by and said, "I know you're not in this class, but do you want to just go over your stuff right now?"  I agreed and we began by going through my essay.

He read my thesis paragraph, my hook, and a few of the topic sentences that I had started with.  He told me that my essay was looking fantastic so far and to keep up the hard work. He let me ask a million questions and then we started going over my grades. 

He said that I have 100% on all of my preparation points because I am always prepared and I am always in class. Then he started on my essays. "You got 100% on your first essay and you only missed four points on your second essay, so you are in GREAT shape," he said to me.  He then asked me about what I had planned for my future.  I told him I was going into Elementary Education. 

His response kind of surprised me... "Well good," he said, "Your talent won't be totally squashed there I guess."  What?? He then asked if I considered myself a smart person.  I told him that I did and he said, "Then do NOT stop at a Bachelor's.  You have more than enough skill to get a Master's.  In fact, it will be EASIER for you to get a Master's than it will be to get a Bachelor's! You have an amazing writing style that is unique.  You are very talented Sara.  I don't want to see this talent go to waste."

WOW. I was on cloud nine! He let me leave after he was done talking to me and class hadn't even started yet so I had another hour before Institute would start.  I had to call my mom ASAP. I told her all about what he had said.  I felt SO good. 

A little side-note here...  at times like this, I miss my Grandma Garner A LOT. She would have been the first person I would have called.  As an old woman, she always had more than enough time to talk to me and I was her only focus during that time.  She would always get SO excited for me.  I absolutely love my family and appreciate my conversations with them, but my Grandma was just... different.

 When my mom had to hang up, my mind was still RACING. I discovered in that moment that I really do LOVE writing.  I felt exhilarated! Ever since I have been at Dixie, I have been searching for my "niche". I thought it was singing, but I didn't want to do anything with that as a career.  I LOVE children, but I am bored out of my mind in all of my Education classes.  THIS is what I wanted to do! I had to text my mom. 

Me: Is it driving you nuts that it is going to take me so long to get my education? My teacher just made em consider switching my major to journalism. New York is a good place to go if that's what I want to do right? I will do online classes. Remember when you told me my talents would be wasted if I stuck myself teaching a kindergarten class? Well that really bothered me, but I kind of believed you. I wondered what I really love to do and my professor just really helped me realize what it is that I love doing (besides taking care of kids)... WRITING!! I will pay for it all I promise!

Mom: That sounds exact spot on!!!! I agree!!!!!!!!!!! 100% just go for it!!!

Me: I'm crying ;) I kinda feel like I just found myself in a way...

Mom: Yes I know you have!!!!! I love that you are accepting this! Write it down so yo never forget this feeling!!!!!!

I'm lucky to have a mom who is so supportive!  I can see how blessed I am to have her in moments like this.  There are lots of moms out there who would be angry with their daughter for wasting time and money in college, only to switch majors after a whole year and decide to move to New York.  My mom is cheering me on though.  She is such an amazing woman.  Her enthusiasm and encouragement is exactly why I am willing to take risks in my life.  I love her so much!

So now my plans are up in the air.  I am praying my guts out to find a family in New York to nanny for.  I am on five different websites for nannies.  Nothing has come up yet, but I know that this is what I am supposed to do.  About two weeks ago, I fasted, and I have not stopped praying.  I feel really nervous because there is so much that is unknown at this point, but I also feel very confident that this is what I am supposed to be doing in my life right now. I keep reading my Patriarchal Blessing too.  This is all that is on my mind lately!

will happen when I move to New York.  She tells me she doesn't want to talk about it because we still have two weeks together.  It makes me cry to think I am going to be so far away from her.  I won't be able to just pop by and say hello.  We won't stay up at night saying we need to go to bed, but laughing and continuing to talk anyway.  We won't be able to freak out together watching Vampire Diaries.  We won't be able to take midnight runs to Wal-Mart, the temple, or the fountain.  We won't be able to tell each other to shut up when we're being annoying.  We won't be able to sing at the top of our lungs to strangers on the sidewalk as we drive by. We keep saying that she has to get an iPhone so we can Skype each other every single day. She promised me that she will keep a video journal of her day so I don't get behind on what she is doing. My soul sister is part of who I am, and I am so sad to be leaving her. 

 

 

  And what am I doing? Packing. Packing for New York nonetheless.  What am I thinking??